Since I decided to go on my hols to Aomori, I’ve been doing a bit of reading up on the area. If you are holidaying somewhere, you need to know what there is to see.
Like most people, I thought it was a nice little city up the top of the island where they grow apples and not much else.
Boy, was I wrong!
Aomori, more weird shit going on than Sunnydale.
For starters, I found this: Aomori is the site of JESUS’S GRAVE. Yes, The Jesus, son of god. I bet you didn’t know that. Well you might, if you too read it on wikipedia or something.
Of course, I plan to go to the grave of Jesus. I’m not religious or anything but I figure I need to hedge my bets. Not for the afterlife – but, if praying at Meiji Shrine doesn’t get me good tickets to see Arashi, I figure Jesus can. (NB. I don’t really believe Jesus can get me good Arashi tickets. As far as I know he’s not even a fan club member and you need something better than the whole “son of god” thing to impress Mr Johnny).
So, the story goes, Jesus didn’t actually get crucified. He swapped places with his brother and shot through to Japan instead.
Now you might be wondering a heap of things here – why would you agree to get nailed to a cross for your brother? Why did Jesus come to Japan? Did he become an English teacher? He couldn’t even speak English. Was English even invented in zero BC? Why does Jesus’s brother have a Japanese name?
Also, wouldn’t god know about the switch-a-roo on account of being omniscient and all that?
So, in a totally unrelated search (I was looking for accommodation and got side tracked), I found this: Mount Osore (literally "Mount Fear") marks the entrance to Hell. Ie. a hellmouth, just like Sunnydale.
Aomori is starting to look freaky. I am so tempted to go this hellmouth except that a) it’s a long way from anything and b) its full of boiling hot sulphur holes and you would surely die if you fell into one. Anyone who knows how clumsy I am would full understand why I’m keeping well away.
Now there is lots of information on both sites but it seems to me that no one has made the logical connection: in the same area of Japan where Jesus lived post-fake-crucifixion, is also home to a hellmouth.
There is weird shit going on here alright. You might even say there was storm going down and Aomori was slap-bang in the middle of it.
I’m betting that the brother of Jesus had part demon blood and got in with the wrong crowd, thereby accidentally releasing Satan into the world and causing an apocalypse. At some point he had to sacrifice himself for his brother and his brother had to go to Aomori to fight the apocalypse. Of course the brother then somehow came to earth and they both had to battle with the forces of heaven and hell who wanted them to be vessels in their battle to gain control of the world. Or something like that. (NB. This may have not actually happened in Aomori but in several seasons of Supernatural).
Anyway, you can bet I’ll be keeping my eyes peeled for weird apocalyptic shit while I’m there!