Hello Kitty Land

Evil has a new face... and it doesn't have a mouth!

Hello Kitty Land is actually called Sanrio Puroland but I'm pretty sure that no one in the history of the land has ever called it that.

I actually intended to go there on my first trip to Japan but never made it.  I think I actually decided after my first day in Japan that I hated Hello Kitty and actually wanted to smash her mouthless face in with a brick - or something like that.  Then I forgot I hated.

Okay, since I'm writing about a trip to Hello Kitty, I figure my readers will fall into three categories.  The first is thinking "Hello Kitty land, I'd rather inject human feces into my own eyeball...", the second is thinking "OMG, that has to be my first stop on my trip to Japan.  It's the only place that has the limited edition Kitty-chan blah blah blah..."

I have nothing to say to these two groups.  However, you might fall into the third group, the one that is thinking "Kitty Land, might be good for shits and giggles..." You are the people I have much to say to.

I am evil but cute... I will wait for you to sleep then I will kill...

I am evil but cute... I will wait for you to sleep then I will kill...

Firstly, Kitty-chan she doesn't have a mouth but she does have some bodily orifice that will suck the money right out of your wallet.  Starting with the 4000 yen entrance fee.  I am pretty kechi with these kind of places and I don't have kids but still managed to spend a wad of cash.  I mean, you have to have Kitty ears and stuff, don't you.

Itty bitty titty kitty polka dot bikini

Itty bitty titty kitty polka dot bikini

Secondly, most of the attractions are shops.  There are like a zillion gift shops and random shit shops in this place.  The only thing I didn't see for sale was the Hello Kitty vibrator (I know they exist because I've seen them on ebay).

Nudie kitty?

Nudie kitty?

Thirdly, it's too freaken cute.  The cuteness is so overwhelming, it stops being cute.  It's just scary and wrong.  

More evil

More evil

The faceless Kitty-chan statues - I don't understand them.  There was also a whole kitty-chan factory chain making candy and bread and other things.  I don't understand that either.  Wouldn't there be some health code violation, allowing animals to make food?  They are all hairy and shit.

Evil and not cute... but sent insane by the evil cuteness

Evil and not cute... but sent insane by the evil cuteness

You will go crazy if you stay too long.  There are a few rides.  We went on one - it was supposed to be some kind of crazy time machine ride.  I think I lack the necessary gene to understand what the fuck it was supposed to mean but we got 3d glasses and motion chairs so I was happy.  They also told us about 10 times not to uncouple our seatbelt or the whole ride would stop.  Isn't that just tempting people?

frothy and cutesy and I bet somehow evil too

frothy and cutesy and I bet somehow evil too

 

There were shows with dancing and singing.  There were other things to look and a hall of amusements.  But you know what was the best thing about Hello Kitty Land?  The beer in the food court.

The beer wasn't cute but it was much needed.

The beer wasn't cute but it was much needed.

I'm glad I went.  It's one of those "to-do" in Tokyo things I can cross off my list.

Since my time here is limited, what would you recommend as "must-do" things before I leave Tokyo?  What would think is best avoided?